I am currently in a relationship with two men, whom I love very dearly, one I live with, and we have a kind of day to day relationship with little affection and the other is someone that I see occasionally but we share an interest in sacred loving.
While I love them both, at times I find myself torn. My love for my sacred lover outweighs the love I feel for my day-to-day lover and I was wondering if you have any advice on how I could love them both equally.
What an amazing woman you are! Thank you for asking how to love more than one beautifully. Most of find it challenging to truly love ourselves let alone one OR TWO others.
Sacred Loving takes SOMETHING whether with one, two or more. In Sacred Love we do not necessarily love equally, we can love fairly, equitably, in integrity with our values and commitments. Each person is unique, so how can we love each one the same?
Sacred Loving begins with the ability to SEE, APPRECIATE, BE MOVED BY the unique awesomeness of a human being.
If I say I am committed to becoming and being a Sacred Lover, I AM ACCOUNTABLE for bringing Sacred Loving to each of my relationships. I am responsible for BEING SACRED LOVING in all my relationships. It’s great to have my beloved bring it to but it is not required. (If I carry emotional wounds, emotional blocks, sexual blocks, fear of intimacy that may be in the way of opening my heart and Erotic nature to people I live with, than I am accountable for my own healing.)
When I am FULLY PRESENT to the way each person is so precious, alive for such a short time, and so unique, my heart opens. When my heart is open, I can breathe the energy down into my genitals (with a full relaxed belly) and up to my 3rd eye and crown chakra. I notice that (if I choose) I can focus on increasing both my heart energy and my erotic energy with this person.
I have noticed in my own journey of loving more than one that it is often easier to feel passion and connection for the ones that I don’t live with.
It is a true challenge for the Sacred Lover to train in keeping passion and connection alive in an ongoing, live-in relationship. It is totally do-able and it takes conscious practice in choosing my thoughts, my fantasies and my actions.
SACRED LOVING CONSCIOUSNESS PRACTICES:
I do not allow myself to fantasize and obsess over the lover I see less often. (Or strangers. Or people I don’t know well.)
I choose to appreciate all the little things my live-in partner does (working at home, working at the office, not yelling, being a man of his word etc etc etc).
I look for things I can appreciate. I choose to remember those and to acknowledge them to my partner.
I choose to create visualizations and erotic fantasies about my live in partner. (NOTE: The mind/body cannot tell the difference between a detailed visualization/fantasy and “the real thing.” In my fantasy life with my partner he can be taller, thinner, more cut, shorter, more stocky, with longer or shorter hair, in a different time period, from a different part of the world.) As I practice fantasizing about my live-in partner, I train my body to be inspired and aroused by him.
I choose to embody the Sacred Lover each time I enter into sexuality with my live-in partner. I imagine myself as the healer, shaman, sexual shaman, mage, sorceress of love.
If I have strong needs for touch, affection and verbal appreciations (which I do), I take the responsibility of reaching out to touch, initiating sexuality, and requesting appreciations (clear and concrete).
I choose to release shaming, blaming, criticizing, complaining, condemning and resenting. I chose to deepen into compassion while setting self-loving boundaries/limits around my time, money and/or energy.
I offer to give, to massage, and to caress. I let go of attachment to outcome. I appreciate my partner’s ability to open generously to what I have to give.
Several years, ago I had a live-in partner who expressed affection and appreciation less often than I was comfortable with. He liked to have missionary position sex and did not kiss me nor caress me. My other lover was tender, affectionate, and complimentary. I struggled with the challenge of opening my heart and erotic nature to both in ways that felt balanced to me and were in keeping with my commitments. I practiced the Sacred Loving Consciousness above. It worked.
One day I noticed, that I felt at peace in my heart and passionate about both of them. It took work. It took about 6 to 9 months.
Sheena thank you for your courage and compassion. Thank you for your commitment to Sacred Loving. I look forward to hearing about your discoveries.
FOR SACRED LOVING STUDIES:
I recommend reading books on Sacred Relationship. Some of my favorites
- The Future of Love by Daphne Rose Kingma
- Conscious Loving by Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks
- Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes ABOUT
- The Men We Never Knew; Healing the Emotional Lives of Men by
Daphne Rose Kingma ABOUT MEN
I recommend watching videos:
- Haunted Summer
You are a blessing to the world.